"When I told my mother I was gay, she said she knew, and had known all my life. Then, she asked me not to come out publicly while she was alive. I agreed, even though the request and her admission were hurtful in ways I couldn't put my finger on then, and probably haven't completely worked through now, but, everybody who knew me, knew I was gay. The people I didn't tell knew anyway, and tacitly agreed to pretend that the unacknowledged had been acknowledged and accepted. Like I'm sure is true for millions of other glass door closeted people. When I went to bars, which was frequently, I never tried to hide who I was, so, it was an open secret. Had I never come out publicly, many, many people would have known. It would not then have ever really been a betrayal of trust to 'spill the beans.' because it wasn't a secret, it was an uncomfortably kept promise to my mother, but, it was also not the only reason I didn't come out swinging when she passed.
